Receive the Morning Headlines email at no cost for updates from our journalists around the globe.
!
Join our mailing list for the daily Morning Headlines newsletter, free of charge.
A same-sex couple hoping to have children shared that a doctor asked them why they didn’t seek out a male partner to conceive with.
Elissa Hillier, age 32, and her spouse Kaylee, age 35, from Manchester, reported being asked during the alarming consultation if they were aware that conceiving a baby required “human sperm.”
In February 2023, the couple scheduled an appointment with a general practitioner at the Orient Road Medical Practice in Salford to discuss their choices.
However, they stated that the GP was unsure of what steps to take and that his recommendation resulted in them feeling “frightened, let down, and distressed”.
The pair, who later chose to keep their journey private, have now discovered a clinic in Denmark and another in the UK. They have undergone three unsuccessful rounds of fertility treatment at these clinics.
The pair has initiated a campaign to support their journey towards parenthood.
The couple is currently undergoing IVF and has already spent approximately £15,000 on treatments. They have started a fundraiser to raise funds and support their journey towards starting a family.
The duo is also starting a podcast titled NoMoreMen, which documents their experience with fertility.
Elissa, a student at the University of Bolton studying English and creative writing, expressed her excitement as she embarked on her journey towards motherhood. She also works part-time as a careers advisor and in retail.
After our departure, we remained quiet in the car and couldn’t believe what had just occurred.
In the meeting, the male doctor inquired, “Are you aware that a male partner is typically needed to conceive a child?”
The pair were inquired, “Are you aware that it must be human sperm?”
They were also inquired: “Are you aware that it must be human sperm?”
“Elissa shared that he simply gazed at us for a moment before asking, ‘Why don’t you try finding a man to sleep with?'”
The doctor suggested adding their names to a three-year waiting list for a fertility appointment through the NHS.
According to Kaylee, a Senior Studio Director for BBC radio operations, he did not provide any details about what would be involved and simply stated, “I am unsure how to assist you or why you are present.”
“He simply stated, ‘I will add your name to this list and you will receive a call’.”
Elissa noted that he wasn’t intentionally being rude or mean, but rather genuinely attempting to comprehend.
“He repeatedly suggested, ‘Why don’t you just find a man?’ but we continued to emphasize that I do not want my wife to engage in sexual relations with someone else.”
They believed they were being recorded for a television prank program.
The pair expressed disbelief and questioned if they were being pranked on TV.
“Kaylee asked if straight couples are ever questioned about their understanding of the need for human sperm in order to conceive a baby.”
They started exploring private alternatives on the internet and came across three potential procedures: Intrauterine insemination (IUI), in vitro fertilization (IVF), and Reciprocal IVF.
IUI involves injecting sperm into the uterus, whereas IVF requires surgical removal of the egg from the ovaries and fertilization in a laboratory.
The couple was almost discouraged from the experience entirely.
Elissa and Kaylee scheduled a complimentary consultation with the Care Fertility clinic in Manchester and received an invitation to participate in a fertility webinar.
However, it was stated that the session mainly addressed topics related to IVF and male fertility.
Elissa stated that there was a single slide that displayed the message “We can assist same-sex couples,” accompanied by an image of two men.
Kaylee also expressed that it completely turned them off from the entire situation.
The guidance from the GPs caused them to feel “fearful, let down, and distressed.”
Elissa stumbled upon a news story about a homosexual couple who traveled to Denmark for their fertility procedure, just as they were losing hope.
The individuals reached out to Diers Klinik in Aarhus, the second largest city in the country, and were offered the opportunity to have a personal video call with a nurse.
Elissa described the information in a casual, straightforward manner, taking it one step at a time.
“Following our previous encounter, we were concerned about how our same-sex relationship would be perceived during this call. However, the person did not show any sign of discomfort.”
The pair made the decision to attempt IUI as it was significantly less expensive at around £3,000 compared to the upwards of £5,000 cost of IVF.
The Danish nurse did not show any surprise when they realized that the couple they were treating was of the same sex.
Elissa stated that when ovulation begins, one should contact the clinic to schedule the procedure.
Kaylee expressed that this was the initial place we reached out to when we were feeling lost and alone. It provided a sense of security and support that someone was truly on our team.
In July 2023, the pair went to Denmark for the IUI treatment. They were overjoyed when they received a positive pregnancy test 14 days later.
After a couple of days, Elissa experienced her menstrual cycle and it was discovered that she had a “chemical pregnancy”, which is a term used for a miscarriage that occurs very early on.
Kaylee expressed, “Receiving a positive test, we feel fortunate.”
While I was working, I received a call from Ellie that completely caught me off guard.
The pair journeyed to Denmark in July 2023 to undergo the IUI treatment.
“Our excitement quickly dissipated.”
Despite the setback, the couple persevered and with financial assistance from Elissa’s parents, they pursued another round of IUI in August 2023.
Unfortunately, it did not work this time.
Short on money and not wanting to endure the hassle of another trip to Denmark, the couple opted to search for a clinic nearer to their residence.
Elissa became a member of multiple Facebook groups related to fertility and received a message from a woman in Manchester who suggested the CREATE Fertility clinic in Wilmslow.
Elissa stated that despite the higher cost compared to Denmark, they believed that removing the stress of travelling may be beneficial.
“We scheduled a consultation that was very comprehensive. We had a positive experience and felt safer with their knowledge and understanding of lesbian couples.”
Unfortunately, the couple’s third IUI attempt was unsuccessful. As a result, they made the decision to pursue IVF after receiving a discount offer from the clinic in November 2023.
Kaylee stated that continuing the activity is not feasible due to the high financial cost and emotional burden.
“I am witnessing my wife endure a lot physically, so we had to consider whether to continue with the current methods or try IVF for a higher success rate.”
The couple has spent approximately £15,000 on the entire process and has recently started a fundraiser on GoFundMe to assist in building their family.
Elissa is currently going through her first cycle and they will find out whether it has been successful in the next few weeks.
Elissa expressed her hope for Kaylee to have a baby after she herself has given birth.
Kaylee added, “I hope that by sharing our story, it will assist others in determining what actions they can take.”
We have been incredibly grateful for every donation we have received, regardless of the amount.
It may seem like a privilege to receive donations and support for starting a family, and you may not feel worthy of it.
To learn more about Kaylee and Elissa’s journey, check out @NoMoreMenPod on Twitter and Instagram.
The Orient Road Medical Practice in Salford declined to provide a statement, citing patient confidentiality.
The Care Fertility clinic has not provided a response to a comment request.
Source: independent.co.uk
