Recordings that were kept secret have been uncovered, showing Russian soldiers attempting to withdraw from the conflict in Ukraine.

On audio recordings from the battlefront in Ukraine, Russian soldiers use codes such as “200s” to refer to deceased individuals and “300s” to indicate those who are injured. The frequency of soldiers wanting to escape has led to the use of “500s” to describe those who refuse to engage in combat.

As the conflict enters its second winter, an increasing number of Russian soldiers desire to leave, according to private recordings obtained by The Associated Press of Russian soldiers contacting their families from the Kharkiv, Luhansk, and Donetsk regions in Ukraine.

The phone conversations provide a unique perspective on the war from a Russian point of view, which is rarely shown in Western media due to Russia’s strict censorship laws regarding the conflict in Ukraine. They also reveal the evolution of the war, from the involvement of trained soldiers in Vladimir Putin’s complete invasion to the recruitment of civilians from various backgrounds to serve in difficult circumstances.

“There’s no f—— ‘dying the death of the brave’ here,” one soldier told his brother from the front in Ukraine’s Kharkiv region. “You just die like a f—— earthworm.”

The possibility of a new round of mobilization remains, despite Moscow’s efforts to attract individuals into enlisting with the military. In October, Russia’s yearly fall conscription draft began, bringing in approximately 130,000 new recruits. While Moscow claims that conscripts will not be deployed to Ukraine, they will become reservists after one year of service, making them high-priority candidates for future mobilization.

The Associated Press (AP) confirmed the identities of individuals involved in the calls by interviewing family members and soldiers, some of whom are currently deployed in Ukraine. The AP also conducted research on publicly available material associated with the phone numbers used by the soldiers.

The conversations, picked up in January 2023 — some from near the longest and deadliest fight in Bakhmut — have been edited for length and clarity. Names have been omitted to protect the soldiers and their relatives.

The individuals speaking in these phone conversations were either unable or unwilling to escape the process of mobilization. Some lacked financial resources, education, and opportunities. Others felt a sense of duty to their country. One was employed in a meat processing facility, specifically cutting bones. Another worked at a law firm. A third individual had a history of debt and had failed to pay their utility bills while working as a roofer and later at a supermarket company, according to records.

It is difficult to determine the accuracy of these phone calls in reflecting the sentiments of Russia’s military. However, their sense of desperation is mirrored by a rise in legal proceedings against soldiers who refuse to engage in combat.

According to the soldier in Kharkiv, the events unfolding in Ukraine can be described as nothing less than genocide. He expressed concern that if the situation continues, they may end up leading the Ukrainians to the Kremlin themselves.

“This is simply a massive testing site, where countries are trying out their weapons and competing with each other,” he continued. “That’s all.”

However, there are also other individuals who continue to be dedicated to the battle.

“I will continue to fulfill our duties as long as we are required here,” stated Artyom, a soldier stationed in eastern Ukraine for eight consecutive months, in an interview with AP in late May. He expressed frustration with being asked repetitive and insignificant questions.

Requests for comment from the Kremlin and Russian Ministry of Defense went unanswered.

When he was finally able to return home, it came at a grave cost: the loss of his brother’s life.

He was given the nickname “Crazy Professor” due to his unkempt hair and was enlisted during Russia’s September 2022 draft. The soldier was promised that he would not have to engage in combat and could return home every six months.

Both turned out to be false.

Following several weeks of training, the Professor was deployed to the front line near Bakhmut as a mortarman. However, he quickly desired to leave his position. In comparison to the well-camouflaged Wagner soldiers, he felt ill-prepared for the task at hand.

He informed his brother during a phone conversation in January that they possess automatic rifles with night vision and sleek silencers, while he only has an automatic rifle from 1986 or some unknown year.

He was responsible for aiming, but the Russian army’s coordinates were imprecise, resulting in friendly fire incidents among soldiers.

The Professor stated that their commander had given them orders not to harm innocent civilians. However, it was difficult to distinguish between civilians and combatants. He mentioned to his brother that even a child could potentially be carrying a dangerous weapon like a grenade. It was uncertain where the mortars that he had launched had landed. The possibility of harming children weighed heavily on his mind.

The most difficult situation was when he was with younger soldiers in his military group, with only a small strip of forest separating them from the Ukrainians.

“I envisioned that on the other side, there may be individuals who are just like us. They have their entire future ahead of them,” he shared with AP in June. “Whether it’s bones or tears, they are no different from us.”

The Professor was left with no other option but to either launch the mortar or face legal repercussions and be imprisoned or thrown into a pit.

“If you have a dislike for something, or if you choose not to do something, you are labeled a refusenik,” he informed AP. “In other words, you are immediately seen as a ‘500’…Therefore, we were obliged to comply with orders, regardless of our personal desires.”

The Professor never imagined that he would also become a refusenik one day.

___

The lecturer expressed concern about the possibility of young children being present.

Sibling: What abilities do you possess? … You must follow your given instructions. … It appears to me that if it were a choice, you wouldn’t have chosen to go.

The Professor expressed satisfaction with our work and mentioned receiving a car as a reward. However, he also acknowledged the negative impact it may have had on others.

Sibling: Not by choice.

The teacher: I am already exhausted.

Sibling: I trust it. It’s time to return home. I wish you could join me at home, not just for the sake of being at home, but also to put an end to all of this.

___

During the spring season, while driving on a road near their hometown in Russia, the Professor’s siblings were involved in a collision when another car suddenly made a U-turn and crashed into their vehicle. This caused their car to spin and put them in danger as a semi-truck approached.

According to family members who spoke to AP, one brother was fatally injured while the other survived but is now unable to walk.

The Professor was eager to return home to attend his brother’s funeral. He claimed to have received permission from his commanding officer for a 10-day leave. He managed to pass through the military police in Luhansk, which is under Russian control, and paid for a taxi to take him home. However, upon reaching Russia, he was informed that he did not have the necessary documents.

Shortly after the funeral, the Professor received a message from his superior officer asking, “What is the current situation? Will you be returning or remaining there?”

“He responded by saying that he will gather the documents and then we can make a decision.”

After two hours, near midnight, his commanding officer replied: “I am reporting you for being AWOL, which means unauthorized abandonment of the unit. It was good fighting alongside you.”

He could potentially receive a maximum prison sentence of 10 years.

He enlisted the services of an attorney. Despite being on a 10-day break for several months, he is unable to request an extension to legally remain in the country and assist his loved ones due to lacking the necessary paperwork. He mentioned that his sibling is able to move using his arms and partially transfer himself into a wheelchair, but still requires assistance to function independently.

He explained that individuals from the armed forces visited his residence. He was afraid they would detain him if he left, so he handed over documents through the window that proved his family’s health was in a dire state.

The attorney advised him to focus on the positive. “You are the sole, um, how can I say this … at least, you are the only one who is in good health here.”

She has reached the limit of her endurance.

“I have been communicating through various channels and means, including writing and calling. This is because he was instructed to report back to his unit,” his mother informed the Associated Press. “But how can he possibly leave his brother? I have no one else.”

The Professor is now experiencing visions of deceased individuals. They gaze back at him and he can almost perceive their presence nearby. Occasionally, he abruptly awakens in the middle of the night, perspiring or quickly hides under the blankets upon hearing a whistle.

He longs for his previous life, the happy moments he shared with his wife and child. He has taken on roofing jobs at construction sites, and his neighbor offered him a different opportunity: digging graves.

Artyom left a trail of unpaid debts in Russia. His situation became even more dire in Ukraine, where the freezing temperatures prevented him from washing his underwear and his lighter constantly froze.

“I’m not enjoying myself at all, day after day. It’s already been four months,” he complained to his wife in January. “Everyone is angry and depressed.”

On January 1st, the Russians were being attacked by Ukrainians and they were not retaliating, according to the speaker.

“Yesterday we were f—— bombarded, for f—’s sake, we didn’t even get a single shell out, not a single f—— shell,” he told his wife.

He couldn’t understand the purpose of the war. He questioned why Putin was not content with controlling Crimea. He wondered why they were attempting to capture Kharkiv and Kyiv. He also wondered why there were false reports about the success of the war at the front.

He longed to hear the words that he could return home, but no one spoke them.

___

Artyom: Yesterday, we were tuning into the radio when someone made the statement, “the situation with mobilized soldiers is incredibly positive.” I have no idea who the individual is who said that. “Only five thousand individuals lost their lives.”

Spouse: Yes, I understand.

Artyom: Freaking scumbags. I believe half of them have likely left by now.

Wife: Right.

Artyom: That’s ridiculous, there’s no way there were five thousand people.

___

Although Artyom does not have much empathy towards those who avoid the draft or desert their duties, he can understand the logic behind fleeing.

“That’s what you should do if you get the opportunity,” he informed his wife. “This is not the ideal place to be…But then they’ll accuse you of being a freak who ran away. I don’t want to deal with that.”

He informed her that he would remain in place and comply with instructions. “If it is God’s will for you to die, you will die, and there is little that can be done about it.”

In late May, the AP was able to contact Artyom via phone. He was still in eastern Ukraine, having served for eight consecutive months without any breaks.

Artyom mentioned feeling mentally exhausted while talking to his wife. He expressed his love for his family both before and after the war, but regrets not spending more time with them.

“I am determined to not only protect myself, but also my fellow soldiers in the trenches. My goal is to defeat the Ukrainians quickly and return home.”

After spending two months on the front lines north of Bakhmut, Roman had a piece of advice for his friend and former colleague in Russia: Do your best to stay away from this war.

Honestly, I strongly advise you to try to avoid military service if possible. However, if you do receive a summons for mobilization, disregard it completely. Instead, consider joining Wagner or becoming a contract soldier, or any other option that may be available to you. It is best to avoid being drafted at all costs, as those who are drafted are often viewed as the lowest rank in the military.

Roman clarified that contracted soldiers receive proper care, including opportunities for breaks, laundry services, and bathing. They also do not have to worry about obtaining food and water.

Meanwhile, mobilized soldiers like him are shoved in trenches with men from all walks of life, some of whom don’t even know how to hold guns. They never get to leave, and their commanders — “weak wusses,” he says — aren’t much help. He’s had to buy night vision goggles with his own money. There’s not enough to eat and no clean drinking water. Soldiers are licking at snowflakes and scooping up rainwater to drink. He said he lost 30 kilos (over 60 pounds). The diarrhea hasn’t helped.

“Our friend Roman described a scene where there were puddles from the rain, which the guys then scooped up and drank. Later, snow fell, but it didn’t even reach the ground before the guys caught it and ate it.”

Upon his arrival in Ukraine in November of 2022, Roman was a member of a group consisting of 100 individuals. However, by the beginning of January, approximately one third of the group had departed.

Roman mentioned that he has had two instances of good luck. The first was when he suffered from food poisoning and decided to stay behind while a group of scouts went out. Sadly, the scouts did not return. The second time, he was carrying water when he stumbled and fell, coincidentally avoiding a shell that landed and caused harm to those around him.

Roman described the situation as being surrounded by a horseshoe of Ukrainian troops, feeling like he was perched on the edge of a toilet seat. He was in a constant state of anxiety, worried that their already fragile supply lines would be severed.

Roman had the task of returning a man’s internal organs to his body, but unfortunately it did not prevent his death. On another occasion, he had to relieve himself in a field while tanks were firing nearby. Despite the fear and constant tension, he persisted until he finished. Living in this way for two months, where even the smallest noise in the dark could trigger a reaction, took a toll on even the most resilient individuals.

“We are able to survive because we constantly remain vigilant,” he stated. “Even our own allies avoid getting too close, especially during the nighttime. While on duty, we make it clear that we will shoot at any movement or disturbance.”

Roman shared that his cousin died from a shell explosion that also claimed the lives of twelve soldiers. His family was able to repatriate half of his cousin’s body to Russia, but the remaining 11 soldiers were left unclaimed in Ukraine.

It wasn’t solely the act of murder that caused distress, but also the feeling of being neglected and disregarded.

___

Our team consists of strong and morally upright individuals. They were the initial group to come together, comprised of patriotic individuals who understood the concept of fighting. However, after two months, their mental states began to deteriorate and many of them experienced psychological damage.

Friend: I get it, the act of taking someone’s life.

Roman: The act of killing is widespread and there are numerous corpses. Some were killed with a knife, but that is not the main issue. The psychological well-being of our soldiers remains intact. These are trained professionals, members of our national army, who rotate through our positions. They may exclaim, “This is a difficult situation,” but they continue on their duty. They are then replaced, given time off, and provided with clean clothes, access to a bathhouse, and ample food and water. Unfortunately, this is not the case for us. There have been instances where we had to drink from puddles after it rained due to lack of resources.

___

The initial overwhelming and unpleasant feeling of panic that struck him at the start of his trip has diminished. Receiving calls from home has been beneficial.

Roman was unexpectedly recruited for a unique task one evening. With their weapons at the ready, they infiltrated a Ukrainian bunker, engaged in violent combat, and successfully apprehended a Ukrainian officer for interrogation. The presence of death was evident, impacting both sides of the conflict.

“Wow, I feel more sympathetic shooting a bird than a person,” Roman expressed to his friend.

When the AP reached out, both individuals refused to provide a statement.

Andrei realized that, after living in Ukraine for four months, his existence held no value to Moscow.

He was summoned for military duty from a tiny village in the remote eastern region of Russia. Before long, he was stationed in the Donetsk province in eastern Ukraine, near the southern entrance to Bakhmut.

Andrei’s division was incurring significant casualties, and the Ukrainians were not even returning fire, according to him. Soldiers were losing their lives due to friendly fire. Conscripted individuals like him were being coerced into signing agreements.

“He told his mother that those who are mobilized are not seen as human. He expressed frustration that no one cares about them and believes that the expectation for them to risk their lives for only 200,000 rubles is unjust.”

There was a sense of mutiny brewing.

___

Andrei expressed frustration that their soldiers were dying for no reason, stating that it was senseless and not a real war. He promised to share more information upon his return and claimed that their artillery was mistakenly targeting their own dugouts instead of the enemy’s.

Mother: What for?

Andrei: Their aim is off. If they don’t understand you, you must rely on yourself.

Mother: (Inaudible)

Andrei expressed frustration, stating that the situation was causing them to become agitated and angry. They feel powerless because no one is taking action to address the issue. They mentioned a six-month time frame and expressed disdain towards the company. They also mentioned the possibility of employees leaving if the issue is not resolved, as it would be difficult for the company to take legal action against a large group of people.

Mother: They do not have the authority to detain you any longer.

Andrei expressed frustration that no one cares about the situation at hand. He mentioned that they were previously informed that they had been forgotten, but in reality, they were not just forgotten but rather betrayed.

___

He informed his mother that soldiers who are mobilized are treated the most poorly. They are prohibited from leaving, even if they sustain injuries, because their commanders are afraid they will not return.

___

Andrei: Unfortunately, our team members are dying in large numbers.

Mother: Based on what I have observed —

Andrei: Let me explain to you. Many soldiers from our side are leaving in large numbers. If a contracted soldier is injured, they are sent back home. But if a mobilized soldier is injured, they are only given minimal treatment and then forced to return to the front. It’s ridiculous. If you fall ill here, they won’t send you home and won’t care if you die in these terrible living conditions. It’s impossible to get sick here.

Mother: It’s best not to become ill.

Andrei: This is the way things operate here. When you are valuable, they recognize you. However, when you lose your value, you are no longer needed and they forget about you.

___

He stated that his survival is simply due to luck and he deeply regrets being caught up in the war. He acknowledged it as his sole life error and vowed to not make the same mistake again.

“God gives you one chance,” his mother responded. “God willing, you’ll come home.”

In September, AP was informed by Andrei’s mother that her son was at home, spending time with his family and gathering pine cones from the taiga.

She mentioned being born in Ukraine and shared that her mother currently resides there. She expressed distress over the fact that Ukraine is now populated by “traitors and fascists.”

She expressed her dislike for the current leaders, questioning if they were unable to see that there were no ordinary citizens. She also questioned if they wanted their children to become like those in America. She expressed her sadness at not recognizing her birthplace and the school she attended.

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This report was contributed to by AP reporters Lynn Berry in Washington and Alla Konstantinova in Vilnius, Lithuania, as well as students from the Russian translation and interpretation program at Middlebury Institute of International Studies.

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Additional AP coverage can be found at the following link: https://apnews.com/hub/russia-ukraine

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